When I first heard the concept of self-love, I struggled with the concept. What is self-love? Isn’t it vain to love yourself? Isn’t it self-centered?

For someone who struggles with codependency and people pleasing, the idea of self-love was (and sometimes still is!) a challenging concept for me to wrap my head around.

Self-love is not vain or selfish. According to the Brain and Behavior Research Foundation, self-love is “a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. Self-love means having a high regard for your own well-being and happiness. Self-love means taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing your well-being to please others.”

Self-love involves meeting your own needs, setting and respecting boundaries, caring for your body, your mental health, and your spiritual journey.

Self-love can be as Instagram-able as a beautiful bath or a bouquet of flowers, or it could be as simple as drinking enough water, or crying when you need to cry. ❤️ Self love doesn’t mean never compromising or care taking others, but it places an importance on taking care of yourself too.


It’s okay to have needs. It’s okay to have desires. It’s okay to have boundaries. It’s okay to say no! It’s okay to say yes to things that are good for you.

You are allowed to take up space.

Let me say that again.

You are allowed to take up space!

So often we fold ourselves and shape shift, so we can make other people comfortable, while making ourselves uncomfortable!

You are allowed to say something someone else doesn’t like. You are allowed to say no when someone would rather you say yes. You are allowed to think and be creative and exist outside the box!

Self-love involves reparenting. Parenting the inner child that needs you to stand strong for them. Parenting those parts of you that need and want to be seen and loved!

As the iconic RuPaul says…. Remember, if you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?? 😉

Listen to my self-love meditation here:

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